The end of No More Pain

I cant even last a month without being a degenerate fuckwit

started fine, was up about $50 at the usual stakes.

went on later drunk, no problem ill just play 5c/10c, i drop 6 buyins in an hour... head to heads up and lose $50 with aces.

head to $2 $4 headsup and go allin with K9 on a Kxx flop villain has KQ

change table and go all in with 10's on an 8 high board, villain has QQ.

I cant even show the hand histories as I exited the tables before the river came out

bankroll is $32.81 - no joke. lost $700+ & months of grinding in 90 stupid minutes.

I have no idea what to do now, i have no money to redeposit, no-one is going to one to stake a fuckwit. I cant grind 1c/2c.

i have my rakebrain freroll tomorrow, i think the only way this blog and my poker will continue is if i take the sucker down for the $1k or whatever it is first prize.

please leave comments telling me what a retard i am.

thanks.