Losing The Plot in a roller coaster session

No idea what has happened to me last two nights but i think a break from poker may be required.

The same night i posted, i went back on and played $50ml heads up i was doing my usual plan of finding shortstackers, i was up about $30 everything was ok and i felt fine.

i then run out of shortstackers but find a player i have marked as a donk, we run an even match until i make a big push with J8 on a J79 board and of course run into a slowplayed pocket aces.

The red mist descends and i find myself playing Omaha Headsup losing a little more and then 600nl headsup, 200nl and stud heads up.

luckily i take some small wins and leave with a banroll still intact at the $700 mark

last night i was planning to take the night off but my mate suggested we do some cheap tourneys (under $2 as he has $100 bankroll) i enter a $3 90 manner and a $2 rebuy.... 30 minutes in im 3/300 in the rebuy and 5/40 in the 90 manner and im about $15 up on my solitary open cash table - happy days.

however i lose my 20k stack in 3 hands in the rebuy, AK losing 3 times to underpairs...i elect not to rebuy and effectively crash out in epic fashion. In the 90 manner i lose a massive chiplead pot with JJ losing to AK and a rivered King... 4 hands later i have AK and lose to A7 and im out..... at this stage i can feel the tilt coming and opening up 3 more cash tables to hit my 50 ftps was probably not a good idea.

Obviously I lose about $90, run Kings into Aces for a full buy-in, Hit my ace on the flop with A 10 and run into an optimistic underpair hitting trips on the turn and of course my obligatory tilt shove bluff running into a flush.

I was absolutely steaming, bankroll was at $600 and i logged off and stuck on Football Manager and have a few cans....after the tilt had subsided and being bored at the wifes cold case/ghost whisperer tv choices i went back online.

I found my mate and saw he was doing some $2 STT's - exciting stuff but a game is a game, whilst i was waiting for him i loaded up a set of 6 $3.80 Super Turbo's and bubbled 4 not cashing in any... the last 3 hands i was on the phone to my mate and said look i bet i get sucked out on and i did... the final insult being Jacks losing all in preflop to 45 flopping a full house.

Tilt is a funny creature, i was so pissed off and steaming but i went on to win both the $2 STT's and also won $50 heads-up....get in! another can and i went to find someone else headsup.....i then lose $70 and am back to square one...both in bankroll and mindset...i look at the $600nl heads up tables but luckily decided to just try a $100 table.. 6 hands later i have hit a flush and a rivered two pair and make $60 before the villain disappears, i then move to a $100 6 max table and the following hand happens....


Full Tilt Poker Game #14458710476: Table Joyner (6 max) - $0.50/$1 - No Limit Hold'em - 18:34:09 ET - 2009/09/03
Seat 1: JimboRich1 ($39)
Seat 2: SGA7204 ($30.90)
Seat 3: justinio ($62.60)
Seat 4: jonny flynn ($100)
Seat 5: FSobotka ($20)
Seat 6: MRJD1943 ($109.45)
JimboRich1 posts the small blind of $0.50
SGA7204 posts the big blind of $1
The button is in seat #6
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to MRJD1943 [9c Jc]
justinio raises to $3
FSobotka folds
MRJD1943 calls $3 - Suited connectables in position
JimboRich1 folds
SGA7204 folds
*** FLOP *** [Jh Jd 8h] - Sweet
justinio checks
MRJD1943 bets $7.50 - villain was a nit so i put him a hand before and expect a call
justinio has 15 seconds left to act
justinio raises to $24 - my read is right - has has aces!
MRJD1943 raises to $106.45, and is all in
justinio calls $35.60, and is all in
MRJD1943 shows [9c Jc]
justinio shows [9h Kh] - flush draw - oops
Uncalled bet of $46.85 returned to MRJD1943
*** TURN *** [Jh Jd 8h] [2c]
*** RIVER *** [Jh Jd 8h 2c] [2s]
MRJD1943 shows a full house, Jacks full of Twos
justinio shows two pair, Jacks and Twos
MRJD1943 wins the pot ($123.70) with a full house, Jacks full of Twos
justinio is sitting out
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $126.70 | Rake $3
Board: [Jh Jd 8h 2c 2s]
Seat 1: JimboRich1 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: SGA7204 (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: justinio showed [9h Kh] and lost with two pair, Jacks and Twos
Seat 4: jonny flynn is sitting out
Seat 5: FSobotka didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: MRJD1943 (button) showed [9c Jc] and won ($123.70) with a full house, Jacks full of Twos

i insta-quit after this as it leaves me at a bankroll of $740, this could so easily of been zero... it was only a month ago that i went busto losing $500 in one session, i have since grinded up from $260 but what is the point if i can snap like this?! if i lose this bankroll i will probably quit the game as it will prove i do not have the discipline and maturity for the game - this blog is a godsend for me looking at this all with some perspective.

FFS i have a kid coming (as well as 3 already) and i cant do this degen shit!!!

rant over.

here is my graph, if you efectively start it at the $100 down mark i have broken even since with sick degenerate swings, also included summary.